system reboot.
the times, they are indeed a-changin.
I’ve been a bit absent. A short list of reasons why:
I was getting married
I was in the middle of doing the 4,000 things necessary to get married
I was searching for full-time work in a sea of low-wage “opportunities”
I got married
I went on a mini-moon to Cambria with my HUSBAND
And my bestie got married!
I worked as a freelancer for a fantastic social media agency
Then I got a cold
Then I was once again a hot dog for Halloween
Then this happened
And my friend interviewed me for this!
And other fun stuff happened, like being in Monterey for Thanksgiving, and the holidays overall, and seeing The Substance, and so on
But then the election happened. And then the fires in LA broke out (please, if you can help with your American doll hairs, this is a great place to start).
And I had to stay with a friend for two days, which the cat was NOT happy about. And January felt like a thousand years. And then. the fucking. asinine. things. one. after. another. that. have. happened SINCE the election.
And then I got the flu despite getting a flu shot!!!!
While propped up in bed, bemoaning my incredible fate of befalling ill, I realized:
now is a chance to reboot.
I hate succumbing to illness. Every time I am even a tiny bit sick, I am Baby. See Exhibit A of me when sick:
I cherish my health and the ability to be able-bodied, to move slowly or fast, to stretch, think, talk, and gesticulate wildly with my hands when I talk. Yet I also know that illness means a forced slowdown; my body needs rest.
My HUSBAND is the definition of patience, but he’d never seen me this sick before. He said, repeatedly, “All you need to do is heal and rest.” Would I listen? Only kinda. I mean I heard him, in between me kicking the covers around a bunch and growling in discontentment.
But after I finally accepted the sickness (one might even say…got down with it?), I discovered that being that still for that long was causing me to reconsider how I tackle anything in my daily life. Why not write to this person about this job? Have you thought this scene could use some extra oomph in that screenplay? When was the last time you deep-cleaned the couch?
In the U.S., we are in the middle of a grand restructuring whose consequences remain mysterious yet likely unfortunate. Call it a coup, a steal, a Harold Hill fever dream of conman delights. It is here, it is happening, and it is terrifying.
Well, here, where I have a modicum of control over my life, I am also in a personal restructuring process. What exactly do I want to write? How do I want to put myself out there in this brave new world that has these idiots in it? Where can I fight for my friends and loved ones to survive and thrive in America (or is it too late)? What about my friends who lost their homes to the fires? What about building community? My friend’s kids? When will war end? Are we headed for World War III? Should we all just stop buying stuff? Why is my gas bill higher than it used to be? Why the hell are eggs still $18? Oh, wait, avian flu, that’s right — okay so why is everything else so expensive?! Is the cat okay? Am I okay? Is my HUSBAND okay? The next time I prep a go bag, will it be the last? Why did I put my hamburger purse in the go bag? What was that about? Will I still get to make things? Will I get to be creative? Will I get paid to be creative? Will they crash the economy? Can I make enough money to save everyone in Gaza? What’s with all these goddamn NAZIS??? What about everyone I care about with hurting hearts and aching souls? Why didn’t the Oscars nominate Challengers for Best Score??
I’ve been in bed too long.
It’s time to get back up and get back to it. I can fight for my loved ones. I can be there for my friends and their families. I can make stuff. I can show up.
I just need to — literally — decongest. Then we’re back. Oh. We’re so back.
system rebooting…