Okay, when the hell did the U.S. Open become the place to see and be seen?
Here I am, minding my own business and checking the news to see how much worse the Morrocan earthquake death toll has gotten (2800 people dead as of this publishing) (also please help out by donating here!) when all of a sudden I am assaulted with this photo:
Willy Wonka and the drying lipstick lady are watching tennis. Okay??
But wait — so is Mother herself, Laverne Cox.
Am I insane? Have I gone insane? Or is suddenly everyone just really into tennis?
Kylie Jenner and Timothee Chalamet canoodling in between sweaty men’s single championship sets feels like, sure, okay, this is where we’re in 2023. (Unless we’re making chocolate, of course.)
But then COUSIN - The Bear and Andor star Ebon Moss-Bachrach - is also there?!
Perhaps I’m overreacting. These are just some nice ol’ celebs who wanted to see some star-making tennis matches! Okay, why not!!
Here’s Matthew McConaughey in tennis whites:
And Leo DiCaprio (yeah, I said Leo, deal with it) in a tiny stadium corner:
And “Nic,” as I saw her name written out on a sandwich board in front of a Brisbane coffee shop 15 years ago:
Perhaps it’s the SAG strike — celebs who may normally garner attention at film festivals and premieres promoting their latest projects have a lot more free time.
Okay, so that makes sens—
Wait — since when did Ziwe and Emily Ratajowski hang out? Am I that out of the loop? Was Emily on her show? Is this just New York girlies drinking weird martini thingies?
And now Sabrina/Sally Draper and Diplo are seated together? Do they hang out normally? Did they become friends through the magic of rackets slamming?
Listen, the likely answer is just that celebs all sit in the same area for everything and thus hang out because of their proximity to each other.
But isn’t it more fun to try and guess why they’re all there in these configurations?
Like, what could Emma Watson and Anna Wintour possibly be discussing beyond the mechanics of the game? “Hey Anna, what’s next year’s Met Gala theme? Does it honor a racist misogynist?”
What about Diane Keaton and Ariana de Bose? Perhaps in between shouts of “30 love” they bonded over….what? Menswear looks?
DO ALL THESE PEOPLE HANG OUT TOGETHER REGULARLY AND/OR REALLY FUCKING LOVE TENNIS????
The only one who makes sense is Lil’ Wayne, who is actually quite knowledgeable about the sport:
Perhaps I have never paid attention to the sheer number of famous people who attend the U.S. Open, and it’s like this every year, and I am a complete commoner for not knowing this.
Or perhaps, for this year alone, something magical happened, and 4,000 people from your various screens descended to drink free booze and bond over Babolats.
Or maybe, just maybe, they came together because… they’re making chocolate of course.
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